14 Ways to Kill a Church

  1. Don’t come
  2. If you do come, come late
  3. When you do come, come with a grouch
  4. After every service ask yourself “What did I get out of this?”
  5. Never accept an office, its better to stay outside and criticize
  6. Visit other churches about half the time, this lets your minister know that you’re not tied to him, there is nothing like independence
  7. Let the pastor earn his money, let him do all the work
  8. Sit pretty well back and never sing, if you do sing, sing out of tune and behind everybody else
  9. Never pay in advance, wait until you get your moneys worth and then wait a little longer
  10. Never encourage the preacher, if you like a sermon keep mum about it, many a good preacher has been ruined by flattery, don’t let his blood be on your head
  11. Its good to tell your pastor’s failings to any stranger that might happen in, they might be a long time finding them out
  12. Of course you can’t be expected to get new members for the church with such a pastor
  13. If your church unfortunately happens to be harmonious call it apathy, or indifference, or lack of zeal, or anything under the sun except what it is
  14. If there happens to be a few zealot workers in the church make a tremendous protest against the church being run by a clique
 
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